Adolescence is unlike any other time in our lives. At the very moment when everything about our physical appearance is changing and we are trying to figure out who we want to be, we are simultaneously scrutinized by our friends, teachers, coaches, and parents about our appearance, intelligence, athleticism, and behavior in a way we weren’t just a year or two before. Friend groups shift and just as they start to congeal and normalcy starts to set in, you’re off to college to figure everything out again.
Going to college can have its own set of challenges. Having just navigated those difficult four years of high school, many teenagers find themselves far away from family, not knowing what to study, how to make friends, or who they want to be. Even those who have good support systems can find themselves struggling and wondering what comes next. The teenage years are thus unusually challenging and although parents and friends both serve as tremendous supports during this time, it is helpful to have someone dedicated specifically to you.
Insta, TikTok, and the Rise of Depression
Troublingly, rates of depression in adolescents have risen precipitously in the past decade or so with 8% of teens meeting the criteria for a major depressive episode in 2009 to nearly 16% in 2019.[1]This rise in depressive symptoms neatly coincides with the emergence and popularization of social media, and some research suggests that the two are linked.[2] While social media has helped many isolated people find community, it has also enhanced the level of anxiety and pressure most teens feel have a certain kind of image or to be a part of a group and so serves as an advertisement of one’s lack of belonging when one is struggling to make friends. So while the connection between social media and depression in adolescents is debated, what is not at all in question is the amount of scrutiny teens today are under – from teachers, coaches, friends, and parents – and the way social media serves as a connective tissue through all of these areas.
As well, because of the popularity of certain sites and apps – in particular Instagram and TikTok – a lot of people claiming to be “experts” on mental health have flooded these sites providing information or advice to people suffering from mental health issues. Though sometimes these people are competent clinicians or researchers, more often they echo a popular perspective and so reinforce beliefs instead of challenge them, and calcify negative emotions instead of helping to work through them.
Parents and Teenage Years
As hard as this time is for teenagers, when teens are struggling, parents are struggling too. Parenting a teenager carries with it unique difficulties that the elementary school years just don’t prepare you for. And worst of all, parents are in some ways in a uniquely poor position to help their kid feel better. Parents have to negotiate between being someone your kid can come to in a hard moment while also being someone who sets rules; between being someone who is there to help make good decisions while also being non-judgmental and someone who doesn’t invalidate experiences. Parents are often in the uncomfortable and unenviable position of being told how horrible things feel while being unable to do anything about it without being perceived as being part of the problem.
How Parents Fit into Teen Therapy
Teenagers fall into a grey zone when it comes to the role parents can play in therapy. On the one hand, it is immensely helpful to be able to speak with parents (and teachers, coaches, etc.) regularly about how their kid is doing outside of sessions. This not only allows the therapist to triangulate with others about what is going on in the patient’s life, but creates an opportunity to coordinate what the teen needs in a particular moment. On the other hand, it is crucial that teens have at least one space to figure out their emotions without feeling observed by their parents. Therapy has to be private for anyone to feel comfortable expressing themselves and so a therapist reporting back to someone else is a sure-fire way to undermine its effectiveness.
I work with parents and teens to figure out this middle ground. Speaking with parents is extremely helpful and I like to maintain contact, periodically touching base to discuss ongoing issues, but am very upfront with both parents and teens about what will be confidential and what won’t.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy for adolescents offers a safe and non-judgmental space to speak with someone without the social ramifications that might come from friends or awkwardness that might come from parents. In therapy, we work together to learn to regulate emotions, overcome anxieties, and speak to other people to receive support when it is needed.
Adolescence is the ideal time to start going to therapy. Not only can it dramatically improve mood, general functioning, and emotional development[3] but it can take a pressure point off of the relationship teens have with their parents, allowing the family to come together again as a unit.
[1] Daly, M. (2022). Prevalence of depression among adolescents in the U.S. from 2009 to 2019: Analysis of trends by sex, race/ethnicity, and income. Journal of Adolescent Health, 70(3), 496-499.
[2] Twenge, J. M., Joiner, T. E., Rogers, M. L., & Martin, G. N. (2018). Increases in Depressive Symptoms, Suicide-Related Outcomes, and Suicide Rates Among U.S. Adolescents After 2010 and Links to Increased New Media Screen Time. Clinical Psychological Science, 6(1), 3–17.
[3] Baker H.J., Lawrence P. J., Karalus J., Creswell C., Waite P. (2021). The Effectiveness of Psychological Therapies for Anxiety Disorders in Adolescents: A Meta-Analysis. Clinical Child and Family Psycholology Review, 24(4), 765-782.; Tonge B. J., Pullen J. M., Hughes G. C., Beaufoy J. (2009). Effectiveness of psychoanalytic psychotherapy for adolescents with serious mental illness: 12 month naturalistic follow-up study. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 43, 467–475.; Edlund J. N., Carlberg G. (2016) Psychodynamic psychotherapy with adolescents and young adults: Outcome in routine practice. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 21(1), 66-80.
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